I Will Not Be a Slave to these Drugs Anymore

Okay, so I have decided in the past week to make a very important decision: i am stopping my medication, ALL OF THEM (the last few pain meds). I have done this many times before on my own accord with previous heavy medications I have been on. What prompted this decision is the fact that I already don’t take them the way that I should because I forget and we have weened me down pretty low as is. It seems like this weening process has been taking forever and I am over it. I didn’t want to continue with that, so my only other option was to go ‘cold turkey’ and just stop and that ended up being the decision I made. I felt as if  with God by my side I am strong enough to do it. Now it isn’t easy, let me tell ya. I have woken up with shakes every morning for the past week, my breathing feels uneasy and I have the worst sensation of pain running through my body. You have no idea how this is for me, how many times I just wanted to reach for the morphine for relief. But I decided to stick with it because that is my only way to get off of it since we having some issues with getting a prescription written and I was running out of medication.

I felt so dependent on them. Even when I didn’t necessarily need them I felt as I had to have them. I hated the fact that they changed my mood and how I acted, as soon as I took a morphine, everything changed. An being in school made it even harder, I walk through halls half present and half out of it. It made it hard to focus on my school work and be present/participant in school. I decided enough was enough, I control my life. Changes needed to be made and I needed to do it on my own accord. If I was forced into this then I would not have been able to do it, the motivation and determination wouldn’t be there and i’d slip back into that cycle of “i need, i need, i need”. Ultimately this was my choice and I feel like it was something that needed to be done.

I Got My Port?

Yesterday, I came home from school and my mom said she had something for me. She pointed to  T.V. stand where there was a clear bag. I was confused about what it was until, I realized that it was……MY PORT! I was so excited! It is a memory I get to keep. It symbolizes all I have went through and the end of a part of my journey. IT IS SO AMAZING! God is good, and I am so thankful that he has been by my side. As well as giving me my family to walk this journey with me.

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Port Removal Surgery

01/06/17

Yay! My port is out! I went in yesterday afternoon for the surgery. I was a bit nervous, but the excitement took over. This is a huge step in my journey! It to me, signifies the end, like the real end. I am so happy and thankful to all the people who have walked this journey with me. An the people who have encouraged me and lifted me up. Everyone who has fought right along side me, especially my family who has never left me! All the glory goes to God! In him anything is possible, you just need to believe and put your faith in him! “I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME.” Philippians 4:13

Pictures – (top: after surgery; bottom: before surgery with a stuffed animal the lady who got me settled gave me)

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FB_IMG_1485237799341Pictures – (My family and I waiting in the waiting room to be called back; top: me, mom, & sister; bottom: dad and brother)

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Update on Walking

So I know you guys probably read my Wheelchair Raint a little while back, I have an update on that.

For the past 3 weeks I have been walking in school and not using the wheelchair. My wheelchair went out the Sunday before the day I was supposed to go to school. It just gave out.  I decided that I would just walk around the school but use the elevator. I wasn’t going to push myself, but I knew I could do it. After the frst day,I felt great. My parents found someone that xould fix the chair but I wanted to walk. I told them I’d pray over it and see what I wanted to do. I felt God telling me to do it amd not to limit myself. That I needed to trust in him and myself, not to doubt him or let anyone doubt me. Ever since then, I have been walking in school. A HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR ME!!

 

PT Kicked My Butt??

08/12/16

This morning, I had physical therapy. I couldn’t wait for it because of getting new orders from my shoulder surgeon, Dr. Kam.

As soon as I walked in, they noticed I didn’t have the brace on. I then told them how excited I was and that I had new protocol for them. Some new exercises were added with new orders. With these new orders, comes harder work outs. Today, those exercises really kicked my butt! Lol! Today we added pullies and a bar exercise the stretches out my arm. I was really worked out today! Added these new exercises, I really need to stay on to of my pain medication.

Although, I was in pain after physical therapy I am glad to be at this point in my journey. I am so proud of myself and how hard I have worked! It is the little victories! I am thankful my arm is doing well enough to increase my exercises. I thank my family, friends and everyone who has supported me! I thank God for giving me the strength to endure these things!

(Boy am I sore though! They really kicked my booty!)

Physical Therapy Update

Here is an update on physical therapy and how it is going.

I am making a lot of progress in physical therapy. I have stopped gaurding and have let loose. I get into my head when i am at physical therapy and start to tighten up.

Today though, I did really great! My motion up to 90° is doing great! My shoulder is healing well and my motion is doing well. My degree measurement is almost at 90° at all angles which is a huge accomplishment. My pain level has also decreased and I am not taking as much pain medicine. I am so thankful for that.

I  am so proud of myself for working so hard! I thank God for helping me work through this. I also thank Natalie and Morgan for working with me at physical therapy. They make physical therapy so much fun. He is my strength and has been getting me through all of this. I have to just keep my faith in him as I gi through this. I also thank my family for supporting me. They are always encouraging me.

Surgery Update

July 9,

Hey guys! I am so sorry I am updating so late. It has been crazy since I got out of the hospital. I have been on heavy medicine, which causes me to sleep a lot.

I have been doing well though. The surgery was a success and everything went well. Thanks to Dr. Kam, my amazing doctor and surgeon. I am now two weeks out from surgery. I started physical therapy right away, only doing passive movements. Which means I can’t move my arm by myself.

For a little back story; due to the AVN the steroids and cancer treatments caused, I had to under go surgery. From the AVN, my shoulder began to collapse. It had went so far that my last two options were having a half shoulder replacement or using a cadaver. So, knowing this I prayed about it. After praying for a week or so, I felt like God was telling me to continue with the shoulder replacement.

Through this process, I thank God for helping me through this journey so far and being by my side! He gives me the strength to get through everything I have gone through. Just like my bible verse that helped me through my cancer, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” With God by my side I can do or go through anything!                                                                                                                    I would also like to thank everyone who has stood by my side and supported me! Especially my family, they have always been right by my side cheering me on. I am so thankful for that! They love me to death and I love them too! They do anything to cheer me up and put a smile on my face!                                                                                       Another person whose support I am thankful for is my best friend Natalie. Even though she lives many miles away in California, she supports me lots. Our talks help calm me down and know that I can get through this. I love her lots and am thankful for a bestie like her!

An Essay I Wrote for English

I wanted to share with you all the essay I wrote for English. We had to write an essay about an event that changed our lives.

My Essay:
There have been many life changing events in my life. Although, this one stood out to me the most. This event changed my life for the better, it made me so much stronger. My life changing event is when I went through a two and a half year cancer journey.

Finding out I had cancer was the most devastating news I have ever received. You notice the commercials asking you to donate to kids with cancer, but you never imagine it happening to you. Cancer is a serious disease, but you never think about it until you’re impacted.

On February 20th, 2013, I was diagnosed with a form of childhood leukemia. Before we found out, I had been sick all winter along with my siblings. We never suspected anything so serious. The Thursday before, I was at the doctors where they fought over whether my spleen was enlarged. They then came to the conclusion this it was just muscle and growing pains.
Earlier on the nineteenth, u had made food and take a bite. When my parents arrived home they noticed I hadn’t eaten. After that, my mom said, ” You need to eat, don’t get up until your done.” I did finish. When I went to sit down on the couch, I screamed bloody murder. I had sharp pain in my abdomen and was in tears. My dad had enough and drove me to the emergency room.

I awoke to paramedics moving me to another gurney to transport me to Sunrise. I was our of it, but still felt a sense of fear. When we arrived, my mother was waiting for us with fear in our eyes. My dad later showed up and a doctor came in. He asked my mom if my dad had told her the “L” word. She said no and asked him what he was talking about. My dad mumbles, “Leukemia, but it’s not that.” The doctor confirmed that it was that, but he didn’t know what kind. I was immediately hooked up to machines and moved to Pediactric Cancer floor. From there, my port was placed, I recieved blood and platelet transfusions, and started treatment.

This journey has taught me so much. It has taught me to always look to God for help. I also learned to always think positive. No matter what, I needed to be strong for not only myself, but for my family as well. I have always tried to be strong throughout this journey, I then realized I needed to give it to God. I have made a second family and so many new friends throughout this journey. So many people have told me that I am an inspiration and keep them going. I have grown so much closer to God throughout this journey. I am so thankful to have beat this!

This event is so near and dear to me. I have grown I much and am so thankful for that. An now I will be one year cancer free in June 10th! I am so thankful to all the people who have gotten me through this.