Okay, so I have decided in the past week to make a very important decision: i am stopping my medication, ALL OF THEM (the last few pain meds). I have done this many times before on my own accord with previous heavy medications I have been on. What prompted this decision is the fact that I already don’t take them the way that I should because I forget and we have weened me down pretty low as is. It seems like this weening process has been taking forever and I am over it. I didn’t want to continue with that, so my only other option was to go ‘cold turkey’ and just stop and that ended up being the decision I made. I felt as if with God by my side I am strong enough to do it. Now it isn’t easy, let me tell ya. I have woken up with shakes every morning for the past week, my breathing feels uneasy and I have the worst sensation of pain running through my body. You have no idea how this is for me, how many times I just wanted to reach for the morphine for relief. But I decided to stick with it because that is my only way to get off of it since we having some issues with getting a prescription written and I was running out of medication.
I felt so dependent on them. Even when I didn’t necessarily need them I felt as I had to have them. I hated the fact that they changed my mood and how I acted, as soon as I took a morphine, everything changed. An being in school made it even harder, I walk through halls half present and half out of it. It made it hard to focus on my school work and be present/participant in school. I decided enough was enough, I control my life. Changes needed to be made and I needed to do it on my own accord. If I was forced into this then I would not have been able to do it, the motivation and determination wouldn’t be there and i’d slip back into that cycle of “i need, i need, i need”. Ultimately this was my choice and I feel like it was something that needed to be done.
I first of all want to thank Nicole and Brian, close family friends, for taking us with you to California, Universal Studios and to flying.
This Summer, Nicole and Brian invited us to go with them to California for a trip. We went to Universal Studios, which by the way was amazing! I actually like it better than Disneyland, I would definitely go back. We went on quite a few rides, captured some moments with our cameras and made memories. I was so excited to go to Harry Potter Land, I love the movies and plan on reading the books. It was so cool to see all the different shops they had there. I really liked the butter beer, it was delicious. One of my favorite parts was that we got to spend time together and I got to see all the joy in everyone’s eyes. It was truly a fun time at Universal Studios. I want to thank Uncle Michael for all he did for us and spending the day with us.
We also got to fly!! That was all thanks to Jim Churchman and his crew. You can go to facebook and his website to read fully what he is all about.. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheSmileHighClub/ Website: https://www.smilehighclubinc.com/ He helped us all fly like superheros.. His mission is to “make you fly like the superhero you already are, we can create smiles and memories that will last forever.” from his website. He put us on a belly board and made us fly, he also can hook you up in your wheelchair and can make you fly. It was so much fun and really put a smile on my face. For a child or anyone going through treatment this is a way to take your mind off your treatments and put a smile on your face. I think it was really cool because my brother was really hesitant at first but then Jim talked to him and got him to do it in the wheel chair. He was tense at first but he loosened up and enjoyed himself, each time he went faster and faster. I love what he is doing and I thank him for giving us this experience, I truly enjoyed myself. I hope guys go check them out and donate if you can.
We also got to go to the Santa Monica Pier! I have never been and it was so much fun. We rode lots of rides, took some pictures and had some snacks. I had a great time.
Yesterday, I came home from school and my mom said she had something for me. She pointed to T.V. stand where there was a clear bag. I was confused about what it was until, I realized that it was……MY PORT! I was so excited! It is a memory I get to keep. It symbolizes all I have went through and the end of a part of my journey. IT IS SO AMAZING! God is good, and I am so thankful that he has been by my side. As well as giving me my family to walk this journey with me.
Yay!! I made it into the Junior League Competition my high school fashion class is doing. I worked so hard on my entered project. It was a struggle but I made it! Now onto the Fairtale themed portion/runway portion. I am so proud of myself! I worked to hard and it paided off.
Now I am going to go on to the next round which is Fairytale themed. We have to create an outfit that correlates with our fairytale we were given. We get to walk that outfit down the runway and get it judged and see who the final winners are. A lot of the judges really believe in me and one even told me that he thinks that I am going to win. I am beginning to work on my Aladdin themed project. I love Aladdin and you already know I am making an outfit inspired by Jasmine. It is going to be a bit more high fashion though. I can’t to see the final project and walk down the runway in it.
Yay! My port is out! I went in yesterday afternoon for the surgery. I was a bit nervous, but the excitement took over. This is a huge step in my journey! It to me, signifies the end, like the real end. I am so happy and thankful to all the people who have walked this journey with me. An the people who have encouraged me and lifted me up. Everyone who has fought right along side me, especially my family who has never left me! All the glory goes to God! In him anything is possible, you just need to believe and put your faith in him! “I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME.” Philippians 4:13
Pictures – (top: after surgery; bottom: before surgery with a stuffed animal the lady who got me settled gave me)
Pictures – (My family and I waiting in the waiting room to be called back; top: me, mom, & sister; bottom: dad and brother)
Today at school, I got a game called Bulldawgopoly (like monopoly). Teachers were given them to give to one special student. When I went into my Photography class I noticed my teacher hadn’t given hers away yet. Another student and I admired it at the beginning of the class. Later in the period, I talked to the teacher about it and told her I really liked it. She is like “I am going to give it to you just don’t show it to the kids in the class, get it before you leave.”
As I left class early I grabbed it. I went to my next class but the door was locked so I sat on the floor admiring the game. I noticed a story on the back and read it. It talked about a girl who found out she had an inoperable brain tumor called ganglioglioma on May 19, 2011 at 15 years old. The parents searched for a cure and found The Burzynski clinic. It was starting trials that had a 70% success in stopping the growth ot reducing all types of cancers. After only having less than a 1% chance of living 5 years, her parents pursued the clinic. The cost was an issue though, insurance only covers a small portion of the $8000 a month cost. That is when the ideal for Bulldawgopoly came in. 100% of the sales of this game go directly towards Kassidy’s cancer treatments. How amazing that they are doing this for her.
The website on the box is www.lateforthesky.com
Please check it out.
So I know you guys probably read my Wheelchair Raint a little while back, I have an update on that.
For the past 3 weeks I have been walking in school and not using the wheelchair. My wheelchair went out the Sunday before the day I was supposed to go to school. It just gave out. I decided that I would just walk around the school but use the elevator. I wasn’t going to push myself, but I knew I could do it. After the frst day,I felt great. My parents found someone that xould fix the chair but I wanted to walk. I told them I’d pray over it and see what I wanted to do. I felt God telling me to do it amd not to limit myself. That I needed to trust in him and myself, not to doubt him or let anyone doubt me. Ever since then, I have been walking in school. A HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR ME!!
I strongly dislike being in this electric wheelchair!!! All I want to do is walk! Many people take something as simple as walking for granted. I’m tired of being in this chair. I just want to walk around school, to the store, to the park etc. I want to get my strength back and walk. I am bound to this chair and I don’t like it. Due to the AVN caused by the steroids and Cancer treatments I can’t walk long distances. I don’t like being in a wheelchair. I want to walk anywhere and everywhere like everyone else. It is so simple, but so important to me. At almost 16 years old (In October) I feel like I shouldn’t have to deal with this.
Even though this post is short, thank you for letting me rant about how I feel.
The Month of September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Unfortunately, I know to much about this. I feel like no child should have to go through this.
Here are some statistics you may not havd known.
•Everyday 46 children will be diagnosed with cancer.
•A child is diagnosed every 2 minutes worldwide.
• Childhood cancer is the leading cause of death by disease in children under the age of 15 in the U.S.
• Childhood Cancer is vastly and constantly underfunded. Childhood Cancer on gets 4% of funding.
• One in 285 children in the U.S. will be diagnosed with cancer by the time they are 20 years old.
To be honest, that is very saddening.
Childhood Cancer effects not only the person who has it, but the entire family. I know this first hand, as of June 10, 2016 I am one year Cancer free. For 3 years I endured cancer treatment and the side effects that come with it. Till this day, I still have many side effects. I will fight for all my fellow warriors! Cancer is something no child should ever have to endure. We should not have to have our childhood taken away to deal with something so horrible. We take medicine to heal us everyday that makes us not feel so well, but we dont complain because we want to get better. All the kids I see at the clinic have a glowing smile on there face even though they are fighting this monster. I have lost to many friends and fighters to this deadly disease. It is time to stand up and take a stand. We need to fight for the children that are our future.
This morning, I had physical therapy. I couldn’t wait for it because of getting new orders from my shoulder surgeon, Dr. Kam.
As soon as I walked in, they noticed I didn’t have the brace on. I then told them how excited I was and that I had new protocol for them. Some new exercises were added with new orders. With these new orders, comes harder work outs. Today, those exercises really kicked my butt! Lol! Today we added pullies and a bar exercise the stretches out my arm. I was really worked out today! Added these new exercises, I really need to stay on to of my pain medication.
Although, I was in pain after physical therapy I am glad to be at this point in my journey. I am so proud of myself and how hard I have worked! It is the little victories! I am thankful my arm is doing well enough to increase my exercises. I thank my family, friends and everyone who has supported me! I thank God for giving me the strength to endure these things!
(Boy am I sore though! They really kicked my booty!)